The day I grew up
“If I told you I thought those were excuses, what would you say?” he asked, his voice lowered as if he were sharing a secret.
For a split second, I got pissed. Who the hell was this guy to tell me I was making excuses?
He was a sales coach I met with about 20 years ago.
I didn’t need help with sales.
I was a natural.
I had lots of friends and could talk with anyone.
I had only gone to meet him because a friend of mine had hired him the month before. At lunch, my buddy was raving about how this coach had already helped him close a huge deal with a $27k commission. He said if nothing else happened, he'd be super happy with the investment he'd already made with the coach.
So I called him up and set an appointment.
What the hell. Why not?
I was curious, but cynical. This guy knew nothing about me or my business.
We talked for a few minutes and he asked why I'd come to meet him.
I said I was just curious.
As we talked, he asked about my success so far, giving the opportunity to beat my chest a little bit. (Reality was, I was only having mediocre success at best.)
He followed up with a question I hadn’t been asked before: “Why haven’t you been more successful?”
I must have looked defensive when I answered, because I'm sure I was. However, I had no shortage of reasons!
I was in the commercial real estate business and we'd been in a recession for 4 years.
I worked in Columbia, SC, a place that wasn't ripe for commercial real estate investment.
My colleagues who were doing well had been in the business for a LOT longer than me.
I wasn’t a kiss-ass and therefore never got the “good leads” from the boss like some others.
I had just been unlucky.
The coach was taking notes and when he finished, he took a deep breath before asking if I recognized the "reasons" I'd given were really excuses.
It took me a minute to get over myself, but I quickly realized he was right.
His follow up question was the coup de grace: “Where else are you making excuses in your life Walker?” he asked gently.
It was a gut punch.
The answer was “everywhere.”
It was easier to blame outside forces instead of working to fix the real problem: Me.
No one in my life had the insight or the courage to call me out on what was a crippling flaw in my character.
But this guy (whom I'd never met before)... this coach (with no skin in the game except to see if I was ready to get better)... he saw it and called me on it.
And that was a major turning point in my life.
THAT was the day I grew up.
The day I began to take responsibility for my success and failure.
Who is the person in your life whose only interest is to help you get better?
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